I am so very normal.
Thank you for that comment, beenaroundtheblock; it’s becoming a theme in my development as a competent critical care nurse nurse.
Case in point: The other night I was working side by side with the nurse who chewed me out after the worst day ever. Now, I never did end up confronting her, as my nurse manger would have liked. I decided the best course of action would be to continue to hold my own, and to use the lessons I learned from that very terrible day. (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a chicken. I hate conflict.)
So this nurse, I’ll call her Barbara. I feel a little awkward around her, seeing as I had an emotional outburst right in front of her and she seems to support this rule that there is no crying in nursing (!). But I go out of my way to work with Barbara as harmoniously as possible. When I need advice or help I don’t shy away from asking her because she does happen to have a lot of experience and knowledge.
She does not seem to reciprocate this harmony. In fact, I have noticed that she will go out of her way to ask everyone for help, except me. I’m not sure why this is, or even if I was imagining it, but the other night is was made especially clear.
My patient was next door to hers and she had an extremely busy assignment. How do I know it was busy? I had the exact same assignment two nights prior and ran my butt off from 7pm to 7am, stopping only once, briefly, to sit down, do some charting and eat a candy bar. I thought it was just me, being new and all.
Man, you should have seen Barbara go. She was in the weeds, big time, and she absolutely would not ask me for help even when I offered it to her.
So one of her pumps started alarming. I waited a few moments and then went to fix it for her because I knew she was busy in her other patient’s room. I noticed she was out of this medication and it was a med that had to be specially obtained from pharmacy with a fax. I knew this because I had started the patient on this med two days prior.
I went next door: “You’re out of high concentration fentanyl. I added some more volume but you are almost completely out.”
From her “Thanks.”
“Do you want me to fax pharmacy to get you some more?”
“Nope.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
A half an hour later I heard her say this to another nurse: “Shit!!! I’m out of high concentration Fentanyl and I have to get it from pharmacy!”
I hate that I am even writing about this. Heck, I hate that I am even participating in it. (I can't say I wasn't gloating just a smidgeon when she ran out of the medication.) It seems so petty, and not at all what I imagined nursing would be like. It seems ridiculous to play these stupid games when we all have a job to do. After all, we work at GHOAT. We should be loftily discussing the merits of computerized charting, or the latest developments in ARDS research, or new treatments for sepsis.
Maybe next time. I rotate back to day shifts this week so perhaps there will be some new loftier tales to tell on the horizon.
Hang in there and I look forward to hearing more stories when you get back to your regular unit.
Dustin B. (Comment this)
I am sure your blog will really help me get through next year.
As far as your encounter with nurse ratchet goes....lets hope we dont end up in her shoes in the years to come treating the new grads and student nurses like she treated you. (Comment this)
She may be burnt out.
She may be embarrassed about getting angry with you.
She may sub-theraputic people skills.
She may be a "b"itch .
Sorry, but they are out there. If this is the case, keep a pleasant, professional attitude. Don't offer to help but be available if asked. Certainly make use of her expertise. Some nurses work very independently and really don't feel they need any assistance.
There is nothing wrong with you. Not a thing.
And there IS a place for crying in nursing. If my tears were solid gold I'd be retired from nursing and living on the proceeds....... (Comment this)